Friday, June 04, 2004


More CH: I've now also talked to Burg (who I may get to FINALLY meet when he and his chica come down to Austin this summer), roacher (what exquisite hair), ddbum, Watt, Michael, actually spoke with Jenn (instead of just getting a msg) and did I mention that I spoke to Pete earlier. I talked to him yesterday but he called me today also! :) Life is good!

Plus Pete has decided that DBF is going to ask me to marry him this weekend. I see this as very doubtful because I doubt DBF is ready for that, but when asked what I would say my reply was "yes". I realized that DBF is everything I'm looking for, and while he isn't perfect, he's perfect for me. Honestly and with quite a bit of soul searching, I can say I think that we would make a wonderful married couple. I think we would both continuously work for the kind of relationship we need/want/have and I think we would continue working on our communication skills and understanding each others needs.
What I did make clear to Petey is that I would say yes but probably want a long engagement. Maybe a year or so. You know, things change and I may just want to be with him as soon as possible but right now I'd suggest we be engaged for awhile, if nothing else just to plan the wedding, get me out of debt, and save up money to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. Also we'd have to talk about financing my school and living together and all kinds of nonromantical things. But the bottom line is I'd say yes.

Right so I'm going to kill Pete now. He's got me wishing even though I know it's not likely. *sigh* Pete, you better keep one eye open buddy.... grr!

So much to say!

Running crazy! Ha! I did it. I made myself go run. I went out at 7:30 and did my half hour run and it was great! A beautiful night. I'm very proud of myself and am planning on getting my 4 runs in next week even with SCUBA lessons.

The Clubhouse I'm so freaking excited! I visit this running website. And some of us CHers decided it was time to talk again. So we started calling each other. I've talked to/left msgs for/got msgs from: Xero, Chris, Megan, Kevin S, Ken (I hadn't talked to Ken in 6 months!!!), Andrea, and Jenn! Kevin S even sang me happy birthday. It has been very fun and I hope I get to talk to more people. Plus, while typing this my former cocaptain Tracy called and while I was talking to her Orza called and left me a happy birthday msg! I love my running friends!!

To knit with you! So the stitch n bitch wasn't yesterday... arg, will I ever make one? I did manage to do another 10 or so rows on Kyoko-san's scarf. I've also decided I will not be making scarfs on size 5 needles again anytime soon. Ahh! What a horrid idea! It's taking forever. I've done nearly 80 rows and am about a fifth of the way through. It looks very nice though and will keep her warm; she'll love it!
On a better note, as I walked out the door to go to work this morning, I found a package on the ground from UPS. It was from Denise Interchangeable Needles. I wonder if that is my gift arriving since that is what I asked for... hmmm, let me guess. Woohoo! It's here!! I get them on Monday and can start plotting my next move. Muahahaha!

Today is the day... After work today, DBF takes control until Sunday night. This is what birthdays are about. Relax, wait for suprises and presents, and just hang on for the ride. Yeah! I can't wait to find out what he's planned! My only thought is that perhaps on Saturday we might go to Schlitterbahn or the rock climbing gym... but those are very unlikely possibilities, I just can't think of anything else we might do. Maybe we'll just have a nice normal weekend again. Hit the farmer's markets, have lunch out, maybe have a poker game (that would rock), shop for my booties. I just like the excitement of not knowing AND that is new for me. I have to really trust you to like suprises. If it were my mom or anyone but my brother really I would hate this. It's kind of scary that means DBF has only one 'level' to go before having equal trust from me as my brother has. (And my brother has the most I can possibly give.) It's scary but makes me so happy. I couldn't marry anyone that I didn't trust with my life (which is the top level that only my brother has, which means I wouldn't be getting married...) but DBF is definitely closing in on that kind of trust. He makes me so happy. I love and respect him and trust him so much.

Well enough of that. Time for the word of the day review for the week.
badinage (bad-uhn-AHZH), noun: playful raillery; banter

ex: I need to learn not to take offense to DBF's badinage, especially since I tease him also.

torpid \TOR-pid\, adjective:
1. Having lost motion, or the power of exertion and feeling; numb; benumbed; as, "a torpid limb."
2. Dull; stupid; sluggish; inactive.

ex: I'm feeling somewhat torpid today. Knowing that I got enough rest yesterday, my torpidness can only be solved by an energy-accumulating activity such as running.

puerile \PYOO-uhr-uhl; PYOOR-uhl\, adjective:
displaying or suggesting a lack of maturity; juvenile; childish; trifling

ex: Sometimes I find that an overuse of badinage can come of as being very puerile.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Ahh... accomplishment.

Word of the Day:
puerile \PYOO-uhr-uhl; PYOOR-uhl\, adjective:
displaying or suggesting a lack of maturity; juvenile; childish; trifling

ex: Sometimes I find that an overuse of badinage can come of as being very puerile.

Amazingly, I actually got some shit done yesterday! Wonderful!


signed up for scuba classes. I start Monday! I'm very excited about it! I will have to buy boots sometime this week/end though.

made Hawaiian Sweet Bread. Yum! I had some for breakfast this morning with blackberry jam. Mmm.

took care of some mail stuff. I wrote a thank you not to my aunt (which I mailed this morning) for some pictures she sent me. I got my father's card ready for father's day, just need to get his address from my brother and send it.

worked a little on designing what my room would look like if it were properly aligned using feng shui.

put away my clean laundry.

cooked stuffed tilapia, cabbage and green beans, and tomato salad. Yum! And DBF actually ate some. I overcooked the fish a little bit but he didn't seem to mind too much. He was very suprised to find out that it was the first time I had ever cooked fish. I think he's still getting used to the idea that while his family definitely fits into the Harriet and Ozzy kind of normal, not everyone's family could fit into TVLand. We never ate fish at my house when I was little. My mom didn't like it so we never had it with her. And I didn't like the smell so I never ate it when we ate out with Dad (and we never cooked in with him, so... no big deal). None of their families ever serve fish either, now that I think about it. Anyway, it was very good and I'm going to have to start trying more new kinds of fish (this was my first time to ever eat tilapia).

even took a nap.

got the mail and changed my address for the magazines I get. It was weird I called them all and they all already had the addy change in effect. Who told them? I'm so confused. But I did call them to change it. I also caught up on reading back issues of some of them.

Yes. I did alot yesterday. And all that before DBF came over. Then we ate, drove around perfecting our hash route, and then watched a movie (Drunken Master) and went to bed. All in all, a productive day and comfortable evening. DBF and mom made me sit outside while they plotted something or other about my birthday. DBF has complete control of our schedule Friday through Sunday. I find this very exciting because I hope it means I don't have to make many decisions. Usually we sit there and neither of us really care and then one of us (I believe this to usually be me, but won't say so for sure until I know what he thinks) just says "Ok this is what we are doing." It's kind of annoying (for both of us), but it's how it will work until we make it happen some other way.

Exercise, schmexercise. The only thing I really didn't do that I should have yesterday was run. I really need to get my butt outside. It's just been so hot lately, even at night. I'm just going to have to do it anyway. I guess that's my goal today, run.

Just stichin' n' bitchin'. I also plan on going to the StitchNBitch tonight for the first time ever, unless I'm too tired. The run takes presidence over this by far but since really they are all I have to get done... well, I should be able to do them both.

Stay in School. What's with all this friggin' paperwork? I need to print off the application forms and fini aid stuff so I can start filling that crap out. It has to be turned in by July 1st. Otherwise I will most definitely be attending the community college in the Fall. (Actually that's sounding like a better and better idea, all around, if I would treat it like a real uni and go to class. I suppose I could.) Maybe I'll just do that and save the application fees and transcript fees until I know I can get the kind of fini aid I need. That's probably the best finiancial decision I could possibly make and I know DBF would be disappointed in me big time if I didn't go to class (or actually if I didn't do well in class b/c I was skipping or blowing it off or whatever, I don't think he'd care if I actually show up as long as I'm doing well). Right, so... decision made. Now I just have to wait for the schedule to come out and sign up!

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

On the topic of Kissing:

I had previously decided I need to really sit down and think about what kissing means to me and where my boundaries lie, mostly because of the relationship I am in now and how I feel about my wonderful DBF.
Then I read this entry by emeraldmyst, which got me thinking again.

So here's my thinking outloud:
I previously had alway thought "hey, kissing, it's nice. I like it. I want to do it to show that I care, not necessarily romantically, about people, but also just with people I'm attracted to because I enjoy how it makes me feel. It makes me feel wanted and loved and cared for and happy." I don't think feeling like this is wrong, but have previously also had problems with my (now ex) boyfriend's feeling getting hurt that I was kissing other people, not romantically and everyone involved knew that.

Now I've met a few people who feel kissing is something intimate and should only be shared with those you are intimate with (whether sex/intimate or soul/intimate). My DBF is sort of on that line. (He isn't completely because he doesn't mind little kisses with friends.) So I now want to really think about what my perspective on this issue is, without really taking into consideration what he thinks, so that if it comes up I can defend my position or at least explain it.

So on first glance, I'd say I still feel that it's what's behind the kiss that matters and not really the idea of pressing your lips to someone elses. So if I kiss a friend, say one of our hashers (both Have A Nice Bitch and TAF have given me friendly kisses before), then I'm just sort of saying hello or thanks or whatever. Just the same as a slap on the ass might be from one of them. Not at all intrusive into a relationship and not giving off any signals.
But kissing someone in a way that seems romantic to bystanders or to the kissee/kisser is unacceptable for this reason. If it is romantic then that is intrusive into the wonderful relationship that I want to keep wonderful.
So really... to me, it's about who I'm kissing and why. That's really all it comes down to. And since I won't be kissing anyone (that would be the who I'm kissing) that would be seen as romantic that's no problem. But should I control the why? I mean, can I just kiss someone for the hell of it? I mean if I can kiss someone as a "hi beautiful how's your life going?" kiss what's different between that and a "just thought you could have used a kiss" kiss? Hmmm...

It's not like I'm going around kissing the masses here. These are only people that I feel comfortable with and vice versa, but perhaps I should take into consideration DBF's feelings at this point. What if he doesn't feel comfortable with me kissing a specific person? I'd probably take that into account and if I felt that his reasoning stood up (as in not just "I don't want you kissing people, because I just don't.") then I'd probably do as he wished and not kiss that person. Like I wouldn't kiss Cheaper because I don't want him (Cheaper) to think I mean something by it. I know that Cheaper's relationships have different boundaries than DBF and I's relationship has. And I like where DBF and I's relationship boundaries are.

So... wow. That was easy to work out and I definitely feel I have my position. I would take into consideration what DBF thought on an individual basis but would have to have a serious discussion if he didn't want me to even give my friendly kisses. So... all fixed. Woot!

11:00 AM

Word of the Day:
torpid \TOR-pid\, adjective:
1. Having lost motion, or the power of exertion and feeling; numb; benumbed; as, "a torpid limb."
2. Dull; stupid; sluggish; inactive.

ex: I'm feeling somewhat torpid today. Knowing that I got enough rest yesterday, my torpidness can only be solved by an energy-accumulating activity such as running.

Dentist, cancelled! 1 down, a few to go.
edited to add: SCUBA school picked, just have to have my visa to sign up now! Will do as soon as I get home. (And it does start on my birthday, 6p-10p!) That's MONDAY! I'm so excited!!! I can't contain it!

Halfway to Xmas Since it's almost my birthday now, I know that Xmas is approaching faster than I can make gifts. I plan on making a scarf, a hat, and a purse for my mom, my sister in law, and my sister in law's mother. My brother will get either a scarf and a hat or a large comfy throw/blanket. But what am I going to get DBF? I'd rather make him something than buy him something (unless I know something he really really wants), but he doesn't wear scarves or hats. Maybe I'll make him a blanket since he's always bitching about being cold at my house. hehe. Eh, I don't know. I guess if I can get working (and finishing) on everyone else's stuff I can worry about his present when it's getting closer to time.

Of course his birthday is in just a few months... so that's a whole 'nother issue. He doesn't celebrate birthdays, so maybe his gift will be a bottle of wine that he likes and a nice evening not thinking about his birthday. I bet he'd enjoy that. And maybe a nightie or something along those lines just in case he gets the urge to unwrap something... hmm... That means I could go lingerie shopping again soon. Yes, I like that idea. A gift for me for his birthday, wonderful! (And I haven't even worn what he bought me for the weekend for him yet. Ay-yi-yi!)

Speaking of birthdays I can hardly wait for my gifts from mom and DBF. I want to buy yarn this week for mom's shawl for her birthday so I can get started on it, but I'm having to wait until after my birthday so I can mass buy the yarn. (After I get the stitch n bitch book I will know what kind of yarn I need for whatever project I decide to do first, so I can buy all the yarn at once then.) And, then I can start playing with the needles she's getting too!
And I've already previously mentioned today my incredible excitement on getting started on SCUBA! I want to start ASAP, if for no other reason than to just get in the water. I miss swimming!!

Today I will... and cancel tomorrow's dental appointment. I called twice before I realized that they don't open until 10:30a. Argh! and scedule SCUBA classes. I want my birthday gift! One of the places I'm considering (I've already got it down to 3 places) has it's next class starting on my birthday. That would bug the crap out of my mom who wants to have my boyf and I have dinner at her place that night (if the classes started that day I'd be too busy for that and she'd have to wait until the next day, OMG!, before we had dinner together). Anyway I'd like to get started with them because I'm superexcited about it! It looks like with books and boots and classes it's going to run about $250. Bleh! I wonder how much of that DBF is going to pay as my gift and how much I will pay. I'll feel bad if he pays more than $100 and damn that's alot anyway!! Then again this is a gift for me that will pay off for him in the future because he'll get to dive more if he can take me with him. while looking at hash route. Stupid me, signing up to hare the freakin' hash this weekend. As if DBF and I didn't have enough to do, now I'm commiting us to hare. Ok, so I have a good idea about the start and I have a definite beer check and OnIn, but we still have to buy the food and fix it, put up the shade in the back yard, scout trail and lay it. We are going to have a busy weekend!

...extras that would be nice to have out of the way: take of my nail polish (since I'm no longer a glitter monkey), do a few loads of laundry and put away my clean clothes, make some hawaiian bread and corn chowder, perhaps start on a new set of flags and/or practice poi, hmmm... maybe get some more done on the scarf.

...hopefully get to see DBF, and even more hopefully get to stay with him (or vice versa).

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Another yarn store - Knitting Yarn at Irresistible Prices
Check out under bargains for some awesome prices!

6 days to 23

Word of the Day badinage (bad-uhn-AHZH), noun: playful raillery; banter

I need to learn not to take offense to DBF's badinage, especially since I tease him also.

Flipside: a quick review:
Friday: partied with greeters, played in creek, partied all night, won lots at the casino, drank alot, had fun spinning, then made DBF babysit me as I puked up all the MREs I ate.
Saturday: slept all day to avoid heat and lose hangover, did a little spinning and juggling (very little), walked about enjoying the sites and sounds and meeting people, upset that I missed the nighties show off
Sunday: had a spinning lesson, watched Joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat and watched oil wrestling (was that Saturday or Sunday...), watched the monkey burn, gave away a hundred jello shots and an equal number of sparklers, watched some awesome fire performing
Monday: took down camp, sizzled in the sun and the creek, got a sunburn, went home

All in all: It was the best Glitter Monkey Rodeo I've ever attended! I can't wait 'til next year!!

To knit, to run, to sit on my arse...:
Amazingly on Friday, I did get some knitting done. We sat around in the shade and DBF caught up on some reading while I knitted. Someone even said I was skilled (in that I knew how to knit and they did not). That felt good! I still have a fair amount to go on that scarf, I'm maybe 1/3 of the way through it now though. I also really need to get my butt in gear on the shawl for mom if I'm going to finish it before her birthday. I guess I should order the yarn today. There's a SnB on Thursday that I might go to. I keep saying I'm going to go one of these days but never do. Key phrase of the day: GET MY BUTT IN GEAR.

I didn't do any running at all this weekend. I'm glad I didn't really force myself to because it was just too hot during the day and there was too much other stuff to do at night! I'm not going to make myself run tonight just because I'm so tired and I think my body probably needs rest more than exercise at this point. But I will either run tonight or tomorrow (or both) for sure. I need to (say it with me now) get my butt in gear.