Friday, June 11, 2004

Life's funny, don't you think?

Right, so back to normal. All better. What happened?
I had some support from a friend or two. I got some great advice. I got an email from DBF that really quite hurt my overly emotional self and that about did it.
Poor guy, all he said was that he was having poker night tonight at his place (still hurts to say it, damn!), that it had been too long since he'd seen me and he was looking forward to Saturday, and some stuff about getting stuff done around his house. Yeah, so poker night, without me, ouch!

I still am in shock. I don't blame him and I certainly don't think he should cancel it or anything. But this is something I've been wanting to do, oh, since we met. AND, I'm the poker fiend, he's just getting into it more since we've been together. *sigh* They better not play for money or I really will be hurt. I also feel very excluded.
Then I think about it; what did I expect him to do while I was in class? Honestly, I thought he'd just do work around the house, get stuff done, you know, since he makes it seem like there is so much to be done all the time. I've made a point about not trying to take his friends away from him, so it's not that he's doing something with them, it's WHAT he's doing. They couldn't think of anything else to do?? I want to cry (oh wait, I sorta already did). Why do I feel so excluded by this?
It's really making me resent SCUBA, like SCUBA is what's taking me away from him AND poker night. Not to mention, that, while it is my bday gift (I asked for it), I do enjoy it, and I had thought of taking it before, I am taking it for his sake. I realize he doesn't think of it that way but the whole reason, the ONLY 2 reasons I asked for it, was a) to be with him when he wants to scuba, to be able to spend more time with him in a hobby he loves, b) and to keep me in the water since I was going to give up Schlitterbahn passes since he said he didn't like waterparks. (Of course he had the same idea but reverse, in that he gave up his hatred of waterparks so that I could have season passes, so only pay attention to (a).)

oh yeah

Some sort of conciousness must be coming back now...
Last night I realized that I adore being called 'beautiful'. Not just as a compliment (as in "you look beautiful). I mean that's great too, but there is just something absolutely perfect about being called 'beautiful' as an endearment (goodnight beautiful).

So DBF if you're reading this (doubtful), take note. :)

Say it with me now: Horny...

One way or another: I'm gonna scream tonight. Okay, so I started realizing yesterday in the pool, this really strong sexual energy. I was very good girl and, of course, fought/ignored it (I have no desire to have sex with anyone but DBF). BUT, I'm dying this morning. I had some very weird dreams (though not erotic or anything fun particularly) and this morning I'm just going crazy. Everything sounds sexy. I walk in and one of my coworkers holds the door for me (normal) and I say thanks and he says something like 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' (also normal) but his voice just sounce so melodious. I mean, 'hubba hubba'. Eek! (And while he's not ugly at all, I've never been attracted to him on any level.) Same with last night. I love accents, I always start to drool for a good accent (not that I want the person but I just want to keep listening). So the (annoying) 22 y/o has a great accent (it's redneck but so charming and very smooth, it's odd but gorgeous). Last night he kept calling me 'beautiful' ('alright beautiful' 'goodnight beautiful' etc). While this guy is completely undateable (and he DID ask me out last night)(and hooked up or no I wouldn't go on a date with him or do him), he was actually moving out of the annoying category into the sexually interesting category. (Again I don't want to have sex with anyone BUT DBF. But I can appreciate others sexually anyway. In fact, I can't turn that off, or wouldn't want to; art can turn me on, so why can't other people. It's just gonna happen.) Anyhoo, eek some more!! I don't know how I'm going to last in the pool with these guys who both want me, and have made that known and who flirt with me etc and would go about as far as I'd let them, without bursting! Argh! I need DBF tonight!
The really annoying thing is that I have to wear my one piece b/c if I switched over to the 2piece they'd think I did it so they could ogle me better (which they would b/c I'm fairly popping out of that suit, only in good ways). Right, so, how can I work today.... I'm gonna cry.
So the obvious answer here, right?, is to let my fingers do the walking. Well, while that might be a possibility, I just don't think it would work. I don't actually NEED sex, so much as the touching, loving, wonderfulness of it all. *sigh*

Um, yeah That's all I got. I can't concentrate at the moment. Too busy thinking about DBF and all the wonderful things to do to him, ahem, I mean with him, uh, I mean... *shakes head* *sigh*

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Oh, so now it's beautiful!

Word of the Day: There isn't one. Get off my back! ;)

SCUBA doobie doo: Last night was WAY too stormy to go to the pool, so we did the rest of the classes AND took the test. I passed. 101% (I missed one friggin question and I'm pissed. Me? A perfectionist? Why do you think that??) Oh well, moving on from that disappointment...
The sky is blue and beautiful. No storms to be had which means there should be no problem getting in the pool tonight. I guess that means that we'll be doing snorkeling, water entries, clearing mask and snorkel etc, learning to use the BC, etc, etc. Tomorrow I think we will do the rescue practice stuff and get ready for our dives in the lake. I just want to get in the pool!

Running out of time?! I miss running. *sigh* Today is a gorgeous, gorgeous day to run. But alas, none for me. (Of course if I had nothing to do I would go to sleep early instead of running. Ok, actually I would go see DBF because I miss him, but still get to sleep early.)

Yarn Whore: I'm having yarn whore tendencies. I really really want to get the yarn in (of course I have no control over that right now since it's on it's way in the mail).
But that means you get to hear about all the lovely yarn I'm getting:
for mom's shawl: Handicrafter Cotton(Knitting Worsted Weight) 100% cotton, in forest swirl.
for Dug's scarf and hat: Reynolds Lopi 100% wool, bulky, made in Iceland (see here) in colors 118 (just a tiny bit on the hat, none on the scarf), 54, 116 (I think. It was called mulberry heather or something like that), and 53 (ish. I don't really know the numbers for the colors I bought, so these are just approximations).
and for DBF's blanket... (drum roll please): Plymouth Encore DK, 25% wool, 75% acrylic (yes I know, I hate acrylic, just let me finish here). Colors: red rainbow tweed and greens w/ blue. They are gorgeous colors, this is machine wash and dryable, AND affordable that's why I got this kind of yarn. If I get it and start to knit it up and HATE it believe me, it will change. Here is a much more expensive option: maybe 4043 and 5915. Anyway I'm really hoping the one I bought works out (if not it will certainly find a good use, believe me) BUT I certainly hope it works out wonderfully!
I can't wait to get home and knit even if I only have crappy acrylic projects going right now!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Pool? Are you kidding?

Rainy days, rainy days: Yeah so yesterday we didn't get in the pool because it was overcast and drizzly (ok, so there was a flash flood storm watch but whatever...). Anyway, today is twice as bad. It's disgusting (even for me, who adores the rain). Lighting throughout the day (there wasn't any yesterday). Ick! I wonder what we'll do if the weather doesn't clear up enough. Probably try it out and only get out if we have to. But if we have to, then what? Do we have to have a make up day? He better not keep us there AND make us do a makeup day. I could be doing something else, like being with DBF!

Have I mentioned I love DBF?

Because I do.

It's so nice to feel loved equally to how much you love someone. You know, I'm realizing it doesn't take that much. Just an email here, a thoughtful touch there, and a text msg thrown in for good measure. Just being reminded out of the blue is one of the best feelings in the world.
Thank you honey. You're amazing.

Another day: torture

Word of the Day:
prestidigitation \pres-tih-dij-ih-TAY-shuhn\, noun:
Manual dexterity in the execution of tricks; sleight of hand; legerdemain.

Ex: If I am going to continue spinning poi, I need to improve my prestidigitation by leaps and bounds.

When do we DIVE?? So at SCUBA class we are supposed to have part classroom/part pool every night, but last night was too stormy to get in the water. We had to spend all four hours in the classroom (thankfully the instructor gave me a break to go swim some laps since I couldn't concentrate). But the great news is that we will be in the pool all night tonight!! Hooray!
By the way, I love dive tables. They are just a shitload of fun for my geeky analytical mind.

Dude, where's my car? Ok at the moment the car is in the parking lot at work. But in just few hours it's going to be at the parking lot of Discount Tires. Last night on my way home I took a turn to fast and hit the curb. I was able to keep going but was afraid I had bent my axle because I had to keep the steering wheel turned to the right to go straight down the road. However, when I saw this morning (I couldn't see last night, just looked around for damage and didn't see any), I realized that the tire was actually pulled a little off the rim. Eek! I had to drive it this morning to get to work which is close to the tire place (thankfully) so I'm going at lunch to get new tires. The good news is I needed new tires anyway and if getting a new tire fixes the problem that is a whole lot less expensive than a bent axle or something. The bad news is I'm not sure I have the money for new tires right now. I have $120 that I can use for tires. I hope to find some for $99 or less. "Give me your cheapest tires!"

Have I mentioned I love DBF? Because I do! I miss seeing him on the weekdays. I miss running with him: which goes something like this:
me: "DBF, don't forget I have to run today."
him: "Okay, no problem."
couple hours later
him: "Ready to go run?"
me: "awww. I don't want to."
him: "C'mon. Get up, let's go. You said you need to."
me: "Do I have to?"
him: "No but you should."
a few minutes pass
me: "Why aren't you ready? I thought we were going to run."
me: "Damn I love running!"
him: *shakes his head*
I miss sitting or laying in his arms or cuddling up to him while he tries to watch his tv. I miss the way he looks at me when I'm so into a poker game (on TV) that I'm telling them what they should or shouldn't do or actually trying to watch AND cuddle.
I miss holding his hand and following him around in the supermarket.
I miss watching him cooking and how careful he is with everything (and my body misses the good food we eat). I miss cooking with him, and having him around at my house.
I miss the silly looks he gives me whenever I slip it into a conversation that he should wear less clothes or no clothes at all.
I miss touching him and being touched by him. I especially miss the touches that noone thinks about: a brush as we pass by each other, a kiss before we get out of the car, taking my hand when we walk, massaging his shoulders when he's sitting, playing with his hair or his beard. And I, of course, miss his stoplight kisses. (sigh) I've been to so many stoplights and not had any kisses this week! It's a travesty I tell you, a travesty!

Knit knack paddy whack: I have gotten the first two stripes done on Yakimuri-san's scarf. That equals about 3 inches. I've started the next stripe (the first large one) but only the first row of it. It's looking great so far. The colors go well and the ribs are straight and pretty. The only weirdness is the on the sides, no matter how hard I pull those last stitches they seem kind of loopy and big, I'll probably go back and fix it at the end if I feel they look bad. I thougth about adding fringe but decided that it just wouldn't look good for him. I would add fringe to Kyoko's but it already has a ruffle.
I can hardly wait to start DBF's blanket. That's the one I'm most excited to start although I'm having a lot of fun on Yukimari's scarf. I want the yarn to get here soon, but really need to get farther on these two scarves before it gets here. Work, work, work. So everynight before I go to bed I'm just knitting up a few rows on one or both of them. (And sometimes in the afternoon between work and scuba, I knit a few rose also.)

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Yarn Update!

Well it's bought and on the way. I bought all of the yarn for Dug's and DBF's gifts and for mom's shawl. Later (when I'm halfway or so through DBF's blanket, done or close to donewith Dug's gifts, and finished with mom's shawl) I'll buy the yarn for mom's scarf and Machan's backpack.

Who me? I'm a walking zombie.

Word of the Day:
expatiate \ik-SPAY-shee-ayt\, verb:
1. To speak or write at some length; to be copious in argument or discussion; to enlarge.
2. To range at large, or without restraint

Ex: Everyday I expatiate with great detail about my life in order to pass the time and for my own entertainment more than anything else.

SCUBA? I thought this was a physics class? I started SCUBA last night. The class was supposed to run from 6p-10p. But it ended up going from 6:15ish to 10:30ish. I'm dead tired. The class was fairly easy, though the instructor isn't that bright since he would ask a question, get the right answer from us, then say "no it's..." then repeat the exact answer he had just been given. Argh! Anyway, once I got over the need to tell him I was in fact CORRECT, I just breezed through class. Competitive? Not me.
We did a lot of physics and such but nothing that wasn't easy to handle. I figure it's the 22 y/o guy in class who isn't figuring those out, but I'm sure his mom (who is also in the class, thank god b/c she can calm him down occasionally) will explain it to him. Now the great 14 y/o guy in class, he seems to be picking it up. So then we get to swim. Do 16 laps and tread water for 15 min. Of course both the guys have to compete about it but the 22 y/o has to act like I'm showboating. I'm sorry (no I'm not), is it my fault I'm the strongest swimmer? I think not. I was enjoying both my laps and the treading and wish we could have done more!
Anyway, I got home fine (although driving 620 in the rain at night in my car was quite scary). And am just very tired this morning and wishing I had some time to read the manual that we were given to study.

Rain, rain, go away. As much as I normally love this weather, I'm not looking forward to driving home in it, let alone all the way out to the dive shop and back tonight.

And to knitting... I have the yarn for Kyoko's and Yakimuri's scarves. (I've been working on Kyoko's for over 2 weeks now and am not even 1/3 of the way through. Never again will I choose such small needles for a scarf unless I absolutely must!) So I have started both their scarves. For Kyoko's I'm just doing a very simple all knit scarf with a ruffle at each end in a green/white variegated acrylic. For Yakimuri-san, I'm doing the ribbed-for-her-pleasure (oh, the irony) scarf from stitch n bitch, but I'm adding stripes. So I'm doing 3 rows of a variegated blue/darkblue/lightblue, then 3 rows of darkblue, then 15-20 rows (whatever looks best, we'll say 15 for now) variegated, then 3 rows darkblue, 3 rows variegated, 15 rows darkblue, 3 rows variegated, 3 rows darkblue, 15 rows variegated, etc, etc to the end which will end with 3 rows darkblue, 3 rows variegated (so it matches the beginning). So it's basically two little stripes, one big stripe color 1, two little stripes, one big stripe color 2, etc. I think it will look absolutely wonderful, even though I'm using crap acrylic yarn. (Both of their scarves are just using up my stash! Woohoo! No money spent!)

I'm about to buy the yarn for mom's, DBF's, and Dug's (that's my brother) gifts. I'll buy Machan's later. For DBF's blanket I'll need 38 balls of yarn!!! Wow! I'll never finish!
All together, everyone's gifts will cost me just under $150. (I think.) That's not bad since I'm getting really good yarn for everyone and DBF's blanket is so plush/big/good quality. I mean spending $30 on Dug, $40 on Machan, no money for her parents (except sending it to Japan costs), $25 for mom, and $60 for DBF is all pretty cheap. But I'm putting so much time into it (and thought of color schemes etc) that I think it works out. (Plus they all know I'm poor.) I'm sure I'll also pick up some other gift items for Dug, Machan, mom, and DBF but just trinkets, these are their big items from me.

I'm hoping to have Yakimuri's scarf completed (or almost done) by the time the rest of the yarn gets here (I imagine in 3-4 weeks). Hopefully I'll also be at least 1/2way through Kyoko's by then.

To Do Today.
I plan on:
reading the dive manual during lunch today.
stopping by the store for some necessities on the way home.
changing into bathingsuit/getting ready for scuba.
starting laundry (which I meant to do this morning, but slept instead).
eat some cereal for dinner.
knit or read more of the manual or both.
go to scuba class.
come home.
shower and sleep.

So for the next few hours, it's just a waiting game before I can get this stuff going. *sigh* I hate waiting.

Caloric rantings. I hate those people who say that losing weight WILL happen if your calories in are less than your calories out. Not that simple for everyone, ALRIGHT BUDDY! No, nobody's said that to me or anything lately. It's just that here I am eating less calories than I burn for over a month and I'm just back down to my low weight. (In other words, I've lost a little that I had put back on over my brother's wedding. But not as much as I should have with doing so well for a whole month.) Patience right? Sure... we'll see. At least I'm back to right around my lowest weight ever (give or take 1 lb or so).
I need to weigh in again one of these mornings but I have a feeling I'll be so tired I won't be thinking of it, so maybe next weekend.

Monday, June 07, 2004


Just illin' and chillin'
My stomach hurts. I think it's from the taco stuff I ate this morning. I think they made my stomach hurt a little last night, but I didn't eat as much filling because I had yummy toppings. Of course now I'm eating cabbage and green beans and then some pb cookies (happy bday!), so... hopefully I'll not have ill effects from them. Plus dinner is mexican so... ughhhh. I may just need rest. Yeah, that's it. I'm also really dizzy but trying to ignore it. When am I going to sleep? *sigh*

Death to Petey!

Word of the Day:
garrulous \GAR-uh-luss; GAR-yuh-luss\, adjective:
Talking much, especially about commonplace or trivial things; talkative; loquacious.

Ex: This weekend I wasn't nearly as garrulous as I am normally because I was in such a state of constant suprise and wonderment.

Birthday suprises! On Friday night, DBF came over and we bought my booties for SCUBA. Then we bought all the groceries for the hash and made the taco filling. Then we went to sleep around 10ish so that we'd be well rested. He told me we had to get up and out of the house by 8:45a because we were to be in San Antonio for an early lunch at Tower of the Americas!! So we also had to dress nice. And then he had a whole day of stuff planned and wouldn't tell me more... so I had to bring something comfy to change into since it would be hot and wearing my nice clothes all day wouldn't be very comfortable.
So Saturday morning we get up and get dressed. I'm wearing a beautiful dress I've never worn before (and he loved it, couldn't stop telling me how gorgeous I looked in it) and my mom helped me put up my hair a pretty twist and even helped me taylor my dress so it fit perfectly. By now we are running late b/c obviously we hadn't planned on needing time for sewing etc. But I look gorgeous (makeup, dress, hair up, the works). Then he realizes he didn't bring his dress shoes, so we'll stop by his place. It's sort of on the way anyway. So we grab breakfast and stop by his place and he's taking SO long to get ready. No rush at all even though we are going to be late. Arg! But he's being sweet and lovely so I just try to relax and let him be in control.
Well we are upstairs (he was making me help him pick out a new shirt and frusterating to no end by saying "not that one" "are you sure" etc etc. Just put it on buddy! But then the door bell rings. It was my mom. I was really confused but she said that Dave had forgot to tell me that I needed some stuff for that afternoon so she had brought it by for me. I looked in the bag and my bathing suit was there so I thought, oh were going swimming in San Antone later. Hmm. Nothing more. I didn't put it together until I looked up at mom and she and Dave were obviously waiting for me to figure it out. Then I noticed she had on her swimsuit under her clothes. Hey! Wait a sec... are we going to.. .to Schlitterbahn??? Wooooohooooo! *did a dance*
Anyway it was so fun!!
So when we got there, we all got season passes (mine was a gift). Awesome! DBF hadn't ever been before and still got one because he knew I loved it so much and didn't want me to have to give it up for him! What an amazing man!

Then when we got home, we ended up driving all the way back up to mom's house at 10pm because she had gifts for me. I got (aside from the Schlitterbahn pass) a TX parks pass (free entry into all texas state parks!!!!), Stitch N Bitch (knitting book), Denise needles (lots of knitting needles), a Nike bag (very cool), some old old old crocheting patterns from my grandma's stash, an undershirt of my grandad's (he's been dead for years, I miss him, and I'm so glad I have his shirt now!), some old old old sewing stuff from my grandma's stash, and some quilted pieces that match the quilt top she made for me when I was younger (that I still use on my bed). Awesome! And a really cool shirt and pants outfit that I have yet to try on to see if it fits. Man, I hit the jackpot this year!

Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to hash we go. Sunday morning we woke up, had a lazy breakfast, and took off with a bag of flour and a dream (or a map... I forget which). We drove to the start and start walking, me chalk in hand and 15 lbs of flour on my back, he with 5 lbs of flour in a sack. We drew our way to the first check and laid two enormous falses before cleverly taking an unlikely route through mud beside a gorgeous trickling creek. Then we went back and walked around to the soccer fields (instead of climbing the barbwired fence like the unfortunate hounds had to, muahahahahahaha!). We then took a nice easy, obvious street route almost to the beer check. We did one check that at a four way stop that also had a trail head for a greenbelt at it and then laid a false down part of the greenbelt. Most of them fell for it but fairly quickly made it over to our check (where we sat watching all the confusion and having a SCUBA lesson). Soon I was sent off to buy more beer because the keg wasn't coming and more hounds had showed up after we left. DBF cleverly turned the wrong way (in his car) and drove the long way to the end (my mom's house) so that all the hounds (having watched that he turned right) followed suit and turned right down a very long false (which gave us time to get everything ready at home). DBF pulled into the driveway right behind me but I didn't have more beer (evidently you have to have an ID with you or something...) so we sent some autowankers off to get the beer and they came just as the first hounds were coming in the back gate. (Which had taken an obsene amount of time as they had all gotten tricked by a particularly amazing check/false I had laid!!)
Anyhoo, a all sitting circle commenced after some much needed refueling and the knavish accusations flew in our pack of 20 or so. Lots of fun! So tired last night. DBF stayed to sleep. And we are both still tired this morning. Of course, for once, he's got a chance to get to bed before me since I have SCUBA tonight.

New Depths: Tonight is my first SCUBA lesson, well my first official lesson. I'm very excited but I'm also very tired. I hope I can keep up when I'm this tired! I have all the gear and DBF even left me the book (because he wanted to go over it last night, but I was too tired). I hope we get in the pool tonight, but I bet that we don't. Either way I'm just excited to get started!